


spills from your skin

by ggangpae (tap)



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Lowercase, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-20
Updated: 2011-09-20
Packaged: 2018-11-19 05:50:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11307015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tap/pseuds/ggangpae
Summary: there is love in your body but you can't get it out.(all woohyun understands is that he makes people sick and that means there's something wrong with him.)





	spills from your skin

**Author's Note:**

> everything here is lapslock hell, i stopped knowing how to be anything but e.e. cummings garbage sometime in 2010. title from a florence + the machine song - hardest of hearts. the ending of this is terrible but i'm trying very hard not to delete all of my old writing from the face of the earth.

woohyun learns at a very early age that he shouldn't kiss anyone.  
  
he's three years old when his mother buys him a puppy, a pretty little cocker spaniel with a wet, pink nose that tickles when it hits woohyun's cheek. woohyun laughs as she licks him, and presses his face into hers, dropping the daintiest of kisses on one of her floppy ears.  
  
woohyun's puppy dies that night, before he's ever able to give her a name. his mother wipes away his tears, shushes him whenever he tries to talk, and wraps the puppy’s body in an old silk scarf. woohyun’s mother promises it isn't his fault, but woohyun can see the lie in her eyes.  
  
  
he's four when he starts preschool. his mom talks to his teacher in a hushed voice in the hallway before he's allowed to go into the classroom, and he feels his teacher's eyes on him no matter where he goes or what he does. woohyun knows what he can do and he's careful, but no one trusts a toddler to know what's right and wrong.  
  
he proves he can't be trusted sometime in december. it's cold outside and he forgot his gloves, and jieun, a girl in the kindergarten class next door to his, gives him her mittens while he waits in line for his mom to pick him up. when he says thank you, her smile lights up her entire face and he can't help it, not when she looks so happy. he leans in to kiss her cheek quick and barely-there; her smile doesn't dim, and woohyun thinks maybe it won't happen this time—maybe he's not bad anymore.  
  
(jieun doubles over and throws up five minutes later.)  
  
when jieun ends up being absent for a week because of the "flu", woohyun's mother sits him down and says that he shouldn't kiss people anymore—maybe he shouldn't touch them at all, just in case. she tells him it means he's special and different, but all woohyun understands is that he makes people sick and that means there's something wrong with him.  
  
  
after that, woohyun tries not to make any more mistakes. he's usually good about it, even if it means he has to say no to sleepovers and birthday parties just to be safe. everyone wants to be his friend, but all woohyun can hear is his mother's voice in his head, reminding him he has to be careful, and that makes keeping friends too much effort, sometimes. woohyun wants to be able to laugh with his friends and hit them on the arm when they're being rude, and cover their eyes from behind and say 'guess who', and kiss the first girl he ever gets a crush on behind weeping willow trees where none of the teachers can see. being careful means he can't do any of that.  
  
sometimes woohyun's bad, though. one day in eighth grade he doesn't sleep well and he forgets to eat breakfast because he's late for the bus and his backpack strap breaks before class starts. everything goes wrong, and then a boy two seats in front of him—taehyun—makes fun of his handwriting, says it looks ugly and stupid just like woohyun. woohyun's angry, irrationally so; it bubbles up under the surface and he wants to hit the other boy square in the jaw, but he'd get in a lot of trouble for that, and then he remembers what else he can do. at lunch woohyun corners him in the bathroom and kisses him, hard and unrelenting, until taehyun's legs buckle and woohyun backs up, letting go. taehyun falls in a heap on the floor like a bag of bricks, and woohyun leaves without making sure he's still breathing.  
  
a few days later, the school circulates an email to parents and students saying a student collapsed and became so ill he had to go to the hospital. it's accompanied with the usual warnings; students should wash their hands whenever they go to the bathroom, not share food or drink, and most importantly stay home if they're sick.  
  
(when woohyun's mother reads the email, she grounds him for the first time in his entire life, mouth set in a tight, furious line.)  
  
after that, woohyun tries not to get so angry. sometimes he still makes mistakes, but they're never so bad that his mom finds out; he just ends up losing a few friendships here and there.  
  
  
by the time woohyun is sixteen, he's gone two and a half years without making anyone sick.  
  
  
then, the summer before woohyun's last year of high school, kim sunggyu moves in next door. the first chance sunggyu gets, he introduces himself to woohyun and makes plans for lunch and the park, and woohyun is too startled to say no. his friendship with sunggyu is an accident—and one he tried to avoid—but sunggyu is very hard not to like, between the way his eyes crinkle up and all but disappear when woohyun makes him laugh, and the way he surprises woohyun with picnic lunches and movie marathons.  
  
woohyun is careful with sunggyu, too, but sunggyu is sneaky, in woohyun's opinion. no one else has managed to coax woohyun into holding their hand during a scary movie, long after the scary scenes have passed. after a while, woohyun stops being careful entirely, and he realizes that a little too late.  
  
woohyun makes sunggyu sick one night in july, when sunggyu shows up on his doorstep with a handful of movies. halfway through a b-rate horror film, woohyun notices sunggyu watching him instead of the television and when woohyun calls him out on it, sunggyu just gets a little flustered and blushes a funny shade of pink.  
  
after some prodding, sunggyu tells woohyun he's "kind of really beautiful", and he sounds so honest and looks so shy that woohyun almost believes him. woohyun wants to say something equally sweet, to make sunggyu have the same warm, ticklish feeling in his chest as he does, but all woohyun manages is, "so are you," which is at least the truth.  
  
sunggyu smiles bashfully, and woohyun knows right then that it's going to happen. when sunggyu leans in, woohyun should shove him away and tell him to go home, but woohyun just bites hard at his lower lip, worrying it between his teeth. sunggyu laughs at him and reaches up, thumbing lightly at woohyun's mouth until he stops, and woohyun sort of wants to cry because he knows sunggyu's going to get sick but he's too selfish to tell him to stop. he lets sunggyu touch his cheek and cup a hand around his jaw and then finally kiss him, because woohyun wants it and wants sunggyu and wants this to be his first _real_ kiss.  
  
of course, when woohyun insists on dragging sunggyu to the bathroom right after, sunggyu thinks woohyun's lost his mind. that's three minutes (and twenty seconds, because woohyun was counting) before sunggyu coughs up blood all over woohyun's shirt. woohyun leaves and brings back a bucket, urging sunggyu to hold onto it, but his nails dig into woohyun's wrist instead. twenty minutes later, sunggyu's pupils are blown and there's blood an inch deep in the bucket and he's starting to dry-heave. woohyun is reminded of how helpless he felt with his first puppy, but he's too terrified to call his mom and ask her to come home, because he hasn't made anyone sick in years, so he just holds tightly onto sunggyu's hand and prays.  
  
when sunggyu finally calms down, his grip on woohyun's hand a little less desperate, woohyun takes the bucket away and coaxes him into standing. he takes sunggyu's shirt and, along with his, tosses it in the washing machine; google says the blood might come out. once he gives sunggyu a clean shirt, woohyun tells him it would be best if he left, and though looking incredibly bewildered, sunggyu doesn't argue.  
  
  
a week goes by before woohyun sees sunggyu again. his mom talks to sunggyu's mom constantly, so if sunggyu were still sick woohyun would know and would also be grounded for eternity. as it is, sunggyu is okay but sunggyu and woohyun are probably not okay, and it takes that week for woohyun to start thinking that maybe he'll get over it.  
  
woohyun's dozing off in front of the television one afternoon when sunggyu texts him, asking him to come outside. he's already on woohyun's porch when woohyun opens the door, and woohyun's half tempted to slam it shut and refuse to face sunggyu. instead, he steps outside and shuts it, hand lingering on the doorknob in case sunggyu gets angry and woohyun loses his nerve. sunggyu doesn't get mad, though; in fact, he smiles at woohyun after the initial, awkward silence, and woohyun isn't sure what it means.  
  
"it's okay," sunggyu says, before woohyun is anywhere near working up the courage to apologize. "i know it was you."  
  
woohyun stares at him, a little bewildered that they're even having this conversation. no one ever talks to woohyun after something like this happens. "how?" he finally manages.  
  
sunggyu shoves his hands in his pockets, looking sheepish. "i thought you were just shy, before," he explains. "like, that was why you always stayed out of reach and everything. but i think i figured it out."  
  
woohyun waits for something else to follow, like 'you should have stopped me' or 'we can't be friends anymore' or 'you're a freak'. nothing happens, other than sunggyu looking increasingly embarrassed. "okay," he finally says, but it's almost a question. "sorry," woohyun adds rather hastily. "it won't happen again."  
  
sunggyu rocks back on his heels and huffs out a small laugh, and woohyun goes from being offended over sunggyu laughing at his apology to alarmed at how close sunggyu gets when he crowds woohyun up against the door. woohyun's fingertips twitch against the doorknob and he's about to bolt when sunggyu says, "what if i want it to?"  
  
"i don't want it to," woohyun snaps, and it's a lie like everything that follows. "i didn't like it and there's—there's a reason that happens, so you should just find someone else to kiss, okay?"  
  
"what's the reason?" sunggyu asks, clearly missing woohyun's point. woohyun flounders, trying to think up an excuse because he really doesn't know why it happens or why it's never stopped. he takes too long, because sunggyu's smile returns, bright and sweet and so unfair it hurts. "thought so. i don't want to kiss someone else. i like you."  
  
"it's not going to stop," woohyun says quickly. maybe threats will work. "if you kiss me again, you'll just get sick again and sicker and sicker and maybe die—"  
  
"so?" sunggyu interrupts, and woohyun stops, staring at him incredulously. "so i won't kiss you right now," he adds, which is slightly less alarming than 'so, i don't care if i die'.  
  
"i make you sick," woohyun tries one last time to make sunggyu see this rationally.  
  
"you don't make me sick," sunggyu disagrees, and woohyun's chest goes a little tight at how earnest he sounds. sunggyu takes his hand away from the doorknob, lacing their fingers together. "i like you, and i think you like me. isn't that enough?"  
  
"i don't know," woohyun says, because he's liked people before and it wasn't good enough for them.  
  
"well," sunggyu starts, and woohyun lets out a miserable sound when sunggyu leans in, but he just presses his lips against woohyun's forehead. "it's enough for me."  
  
woohyun wants to point out that sunggyu deserves more than whatever he can get from woohyun, that he deserves someone he can kiss without worrying about getting sick or ending up in the hospital. "okay," he finally says, and ducks his head a little before venturing to look up at sunggyu. sunggyu all but beams at him, and woohyun can't help smiling back.  
  
it only took one accident to teach woohyun that he couldn't kiss anyone, so maybe it makes sense that it only takes this one person to teach woohyun that he can still be happy.

 


End file.
